you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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