I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
