just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm both gender and math confused
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
