walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
