yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
