I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
