i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
