The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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