It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
