$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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