I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
