Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
