If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
