P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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