I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
