Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
