I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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