I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
