The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize