one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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