Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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