so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
