I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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