it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
