don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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