Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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