90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
