it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
