I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
