You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize