awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
