I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
