JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
