nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
