Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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