Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
