The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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