when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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