I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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