just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
