mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
