Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
