so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
