Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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