Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
