mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize