I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
