He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
