I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
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