Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
