I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
