I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
