i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
