It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
