It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
