Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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