Plan B is the new Plan A
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
