Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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