"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
