I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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