I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
