we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
