all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
