Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
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