Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
