someone threw a dead crab at me
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
