Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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