I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
