Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I touched a dick in church today
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
