They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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