thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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