The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize