i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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