i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
