I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
