I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
