just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
