haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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