man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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